What's in a name?

by Magnolia

I am starting to think that Sportsfan is trying to be the star of CFT. He just keeps handing me material that is too hard to ignore. By the way, everyone should know that he does not approve of his name. You see, he doesn’t follow…soccer. Oh, okay. Well in that case we’ll call him Sportsfan, except not soccer.

So Sportsfan calls me a few weeks ago just delighted with himself. He has purchased the rights to the website www.fire genechizic.com. He’s even got someone who will design the website for him. For those of you who don’t know, Gene Chizik is the new football coach at Auburn University. The whole website campaign started back when Ron Zook was hired and subsequently fired from Florida. The guy that owned www.fireronzook.com made a killing in the process. So the same will be true for us, right?

I am starting to believe Sportsfan. Wow, this could be really cool. SEC football coaches come and go all the time in large part due to the fickle fans and the competitive schedules. Gene Chizik could be out of here in no time flat and Sportsfan and I could provide the catalyst for all those rabid fans!

I tell this story to a friend at the famous Christmas Party that Sportsfan missed a couple of weeks ago. I brag about how brilliant the whole plan was and I might have even given myself a little credit for the idea. My friend laughed and said, “How funny would that be if Sportsfan spelled his name wrong!”

Then it hit me. Sportsfan cannot spell. At all. Of course that was why it was still available. I came home that night and my first words were, “You spelled it wrong, didn’t you?” And I think we all know what the answer was.

Website for sale!
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Alone Shark

by Magnolia

Sportsfan is sick! He NEVER gets sick especially on the night of his favorite party in town. I knew he couldn’t go, but I certainly wasn’t going to miss the party. And on top of that, Chick was in town. There’s no better substitute for a date.

So Chick picks me up and I won’t let her in since my house is in quarantine. I get in the car as I’m cramming a list into my teeny tiny little purse. Chick asks what it is and I tell her that I’m Sportsfan’s collection agent tonight and this is the list of people that owe him money for his football pool.

Sportsfan has an annual college football pool that he coordinates called Bowlaroo. Bowlaroo has become quite famous around these parts and does require a good bit of work to put together. Countless emails, bookkeeping, money collecting, etc keep Sportsfan very busy this time of year. He likes to act like it’s a big hassle, but secretly he loves it.

“You’ve got to be kidding me”, Chick says. “Sportsfan is inside sick as a dog and somehow he musters the energy to write a list down for you?” I explain to her the significance because the deadline is the next morning. Capitol One Bowl Week starts at 10:00 a.m. so I have a important job tonight! Sportsfan kicks people out if they don’t pay on time!


Chick and I arrive at the party. We play date to each other as she goes to the bar and I go put our coats away. Then it’s down to business. I’ve got my list and I’m checking it twice. I find myself harassing one of the hosts of this wonderful party for only paying me for one entry when my list says there are two. Oh well, I’ll let it slide. Sportsfan knows where to find him.


At the end of the night, I have completed my task and feel like I’ve accomplished something. However, I won’t bring such a teeny tiny little purse next time. My lip gloss got lost in all that cash!
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Seasons Eatings: NPR's Delicious Dish

SNL's  Schweddy Balls ~ I'm betting Hazel can provide the recipe...

Can't throw stones, though.  All the ladies in my family got X-mas sweaters last year...that light up with a battery pack.  Eat that CFT!

Nobody, no mater how progressive thinking or fashion forward you might be, is immune from the Hellidays.  I have to wear mine with the team on Sunday and will probably get electrocuted for this post.  I will likely RIP...in the damn light up sweater....but at least I died, Chicken Fried.

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"Every Party Has A Pinata" or a Photobooth

Years ago, I was on a first date with a truly adorable man, painting the town with a big group of friends. I found myself making fun of some buffoon in our midst then quickly begging my date's pardon in case he might think me unkind.  That’s when Mr. Adorable assuringly drawled  “Darlin’~  every party’s gotta have a piñata!” 

God love that man, wherever he is now, because I say that line so often  people assume that I coined it.  Truer words were never spoken. There is always a piñata in our midst.   So enough of this “bless their heart” bull~  just call a piñata a piñata.  Moreover, be able to recognize when you are the piñata…I’ve taken my share of hits  and find pleasure in being the first to take a swing at myself!  

There are just too many “you-can’t-make-this-shit-up!” moments that require full disclosure among your nearest and dearest.  Point being- why not be the life of your own party? 

One of my favorite piñata-memoirs took place way back in yester-year.  I was slightly  over-zealous in an aerobics class and did a body plant on the mirror leaving a sweat mark reminiscent of chalk outline at a crime scene.  No shrugging it off and pretending it (kaboom!) didn’t happen….mortification led  to pained volunteer Windexing while my more coordinated foes kept doing the “grapevine” without me.  (Think Molly Shannon as Superstar!)

So if I come back reincarnated as a piñata, I am determined to look like this. Such a cool website!  The photography slays me but I digress…http://www.confettisystem.com/

This brings me to my latest party trick…y’all will LOVE this one.  I hired an old fashioned photo-booth for my rip-roaring x-mas bash.  My motley mix of friends and all the neighbors (read: no noise complaints) mixed into a hilarious cocktail of people and  the fun lasted from 7pm- 3am.  All my guests had a ball and tucked away all their throwback photo keepsakes as a party favor. 

Here’s the good part about the modern-day-old-fashioned-photo-booth….this hostess got a nice CD of the 659 photos taken in the booth. Pull the red curtain~  hello flip-side!!!  Shifty?  Why yes it was….

My traditional present to friends is re-gifting their holiday card photo from the year before as an ornament from photocutouts.com (tell Al at HisBiz that I sent ya!).  Who doesn’t love to receive an ornament of their favorite family photo?  How much fun will I have in years to come including a more raucous photo ornament within the same package as their refined family glamour shot? 

What goes around comes around~ batter up!

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The Blizzard of '08

by Magnolia
Are you kidding me? Now, before you go and accuse me of being Ebenezer Scrooge, I do love snow days. I love staying home with my kids, staying in our pj’s, renting movies and just being lazy. Just not today. Today I was supposed to have a party for 50 people at my house. Oh well. Let’s just have it tomorrow, right? No worries. Well I do have one worry...can marinated cheese become too marinated?

But please just look at these pictures of the “snow”. I can practically hear the Yankees laughing out loud! There is NOTHING on the streets and barely anything on the ground. What up? Is the Superintendent of Schools trying to mess with me? Have they ever heard of going 2 hours late?

As many of you know, Dolly’s “Hard Candy Christmas” has become my theme song this Christmas. So much that Little E, who is our resident songbird, is going around the house singing “maybe I’ll dye my hair…” and Junior is asking “what exactly is apple wine anyway?” I’m not quite sure myself, but today might be the day I find out!

Happy Snow Day everyone.
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Get Into the Groove

Last week, a couple of other female attorneys and I took a group of women clients to the Madonna concert – and oh my, it was quite an experience! We had all come of age in the ‘80s and had welcomed Madonna onto the music scene. We drove together to the show singing Material Girl and couldn’t wait to get to the arena, grab a drink and soak up the energy.
Well, we waited and waited and waited, and almost two hours after the time printed on my ticket for the show to start (and having been entertained thus far by a lone DJ), the lights went down, the music started thumping, dancers started dancing and we all perked up and spent the next two hours on a wild ride.
None of us had kept up with many of Madonna’s newer songs and were all hoping for a trip down memory lane and she did not disappoint. Madonna is an incredible entertainer and even the new songs were fun. I ran to the restroom during one I didn’t recognize and rushed back to my seat just in time for Get into the Groove. Through the night she managed to mix in a rocked out version of Borderline, Vogue, a powerful performance of Like a Prayer, La Isla Bonita, Express Yourself, and the most beautiful version of You Must Love Me from Evita.
Of course Madonna is in the headlines now for her divorce from Guy and her escapades with Alex Rodriguez. Well, the woman is a machine – she did not stop moving around for two hours. At one point, she jumped rope double-dutch style while singing and doing squats. Her body is incredibly sculpted with not one ounce of fat to be seen, but quite honestly it's also a little scary. You can see lots of veins in with the muscle and I wouldn’t be giving the full description if I didn’t report that when she lifted her arm up over her head, we were all aghast at the big vein pulsing right through the middle of her arm pit. While it’s sad things didn’t work out with Guy, I think quite frankly, she just needs someone more athletic who can appreciate her muscles and veins and can keep up with her jumping rope. Good luck A-Rod.
After two hours we had had a great time and Madonna left the stage, but the music to Holiday started playing and everyone was screaming and jumping up and down and we had just started singing along when the lights came up and the DJ was back! We stayed and danced to the whole song anyway. Click Here to Keep Reading...