I'm Falling For You

I received a handheld video camera for Christmas. I’m excited to be able to record Homer’s baseball games and Scrappy’s soccer games and school pageants and the like. But what I’m really looking forward to is my chance to win the big prize on America’s Funniest Home Videos. You see, I have this perverse sense of humor and laugh hysterically when people have physical mishaps and truly cannot keep myself from laughing at incidents that result in someone falling down (after I’m sure they’re OK of course). So I love America's Funniest Home Videos. I’ve been in and witnessed so many funny mishaps lately that I’m sure I would have been awarded a prize if only I had been able to record the gaffe.


There was the time at Six Flags when Homer won a small basketball and we walked down the sidewalks throwing it up in the air - I threw it up really really high and moved back so Homer could catch it and instead it bounced very hard off my head, knocked me to the ground and kept bouncing along into a group of coeds. Or the time Homer got a hole in one playing putt putt and threw his arms above his head with his fingers in the “I’m #1 position” and walked backwards falling right into a water trap. Or when Scrappy was looking sideways and walked right into a pole. Or when Skip fell down walking on an icy sidewalk and skidded about 20 feet on his butt. And then there was this past Christmas when a relative tripped over a box taking a plate to the table for dinner and got stuck bottom-first in the box covered in rice. Alas, none of these is captured for posterity - or prize money.


So now I have the video camera and I can’t wait for some crazy physical comedy to come my way! Until then, enjoy:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vT9wAUKGrO8 Click Here to Keep Reading...

If I told you...

by Magnolia

Sportsfan likes to use the “If I told you…” argument when he’s trying to make a point. Like, “If I told you that a 7 year old girl could make your bowl picks and you would end up in first place with one game to go, would you believe me?”

Oh yes. Every year Little E makes my bowl picks for me. Sportsfan and Junior study, research, enter their picks, research some more, change their picks and finally settle on what they are sure is a winning combination. Little E and I sit down every year at the last possible moment and in under 10 minutes have our picks made. The process is very simple. I go down the list and call out the 2 teams playing, and Little E gives me her pick. We don’t talk point spreads and we don’t talk mascots.

So if you know of any 7 year olds, you probably know who they are going to pick—Navy, Rice, Air Force, Hawaii. There are reasons for some picks like Ohio State because she knows my roommate from college is a big fan. The Rice pick is self explanatory and as Sportsfan would say, “She would pick Hawaii over the Pittsburgh Steelers just because it’s Hawaii”. But mostly, the picks are just how she’s feeling at the moment.

Now they’ve never said it before, but I am certain that Sportsfan and Junior have thought that we don’t know what we’re talking about. Until now. We are now in FIRST PLACE in Bowlaroo which boasts over 60 (mostly male) members. With one game to go, we are now guaranteed 2nd place and if Oklahoma wins on Thursday, we win the whole thing. And it’s a lot of money. There is definitely a trip to the spa in our future.

For those of you interested in hiring her for her services in the future, she is under contract with me until she is no longer living under this roof. Go find your own 7 year old prodigy.

March Madness, here we come.
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Burn Those Muscles Jane

I am so sore that I can barely move my arms to type these words and I have put off going to the restroom for fear of having to maintain a squat position. Our neighborhood club recently underwent a renovation of the fitness room and the pool area. It added a group exercise room, which was ready for use in November. In October, the athletic director sent out an email asking members if they wanted to sign up for group exercise classes at a promotional rate of $50 for unlimited classes for November and December. I decided to go for it.

Then the class listing was published and there were only two classes a week on the November schedule that would allow me to do everything else I have to do, such as work, make dinner, supervise homework, and get kids to school. One was spinning and one was yoga – I don’t do either due to my fear of bicycles and bare feet respectively. (I once took a pregnancy yoga class and had to leave in the middle of class when the instructor came over to check on me during the relaxing breathing exercise and I looked down at her feet and was inches away from spread out toes on a foot that looked like a crow’s claw).

I emailed the director and told her this just really wasn’t going to work with my schedule and asked for a refund. The response – No, but she would throw in January for “free” and promised there would be more offerings at various times. This led to me feeling guilty for all of November and December during which I did not attend a single class.

So here we are in January. I ate myself silly over the holidays and figured I should now try out the classes. Skip’s been taking himself to the workout room, and I certainly don’t want to be outdone by my husband, who hasn't had to pay anything extra to use the treadmilss and weights. So this morning I got up 15 minutes earlier than usual, woke up Homer, made him breakfast and a lunch and hauled myself to the CIT class. I have no idea what the acronym stands for, but it was a little something of everything – step aerobics at the beginning, I hadn’t done that since college, then lunges with weights, kickboxing, arm exercises, leg exercises and some great ab work.

It was exhilarating and I am really feeling it – and if for one reason or another I don’t make it back to another class, I will remember this morning as the best $50 workout money can buy! Click Here to Keep Reading...