Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Flat Is As Flat Does

fast flats[by Chick]

The other day I saw a commercial for these new fold up ballet flat shoes from Dr Scholl’s that you can hide in your purse and slip on late in the evening when your heels are ramming fire rods of pain up your sciatic nerve into your lower back and driving hot nails of misery into the balls of your feet.

Seems like a good plan on paper, but honestly…I am not sold. Let’s be honest: flats are not sexy. Frankly, nothing flat is really that good or desirable:

    • flat tire
    • flat note
    • flat hair
    • flat chested
    • believing the world is flat
    • flat line
    • flatulence

I probed the world wide web for further intel to strike a position on these high-function, low-fashion shoes and found this youtube video by a little girl who hosts her own webcam internet show. I Love Horses And Candy (her online moniker) reviews the Dr Scholl’s For Her Fast Flats but I can’t tell if she is endorsing them or not?

You’d think I would be all over this. I have been known to stash a pair of flip flops in the car (or even recently in my uncharacteristically big satchel bag) just in case. I always have some comfy shoes in the carry-on when I travel. So why am I having trouble getting on board with this potentially innovative twist?

I mean, they do come with a wristlet carrying case for heavens sake.

Perhaps it’s because I don’t really like knowing I am the mainstream target audience created by a focus group that inspired a bunion company to create a near-disposable shoe for someone like me who literally experiences pain in attempt to be sexy. Because sometimes it’s that much of a stretch?

I just can’t go there yet.

So this weekend I am wearing these shoes instead! They are high, they hurt, and I can barely stay upright in them standing perfectly still in my bathroom for more than 120 seconds. But I love them…


Bottom line? Flat is as Flat does, and Hot is as Hot does. I am going Hot Heels this weekend, no foldable flats. Walking a tightrope without a net.

(I will let you know how I feel on Monday.)

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